Dear Women: The Answer is Yes.
Hello Women,
I have found it necessary to write this letter to the entirety of English-speaking women, a group I have been fond of for the past 23 years of my life. I find it necessary for the sake of fairness to be honest and forthcoming with information that may be vital to your everyday life. Spring is upon us and with that the sun is closer to the surface of this planet I am blessed enough to share with you. Seeing as the sun makes it not just difficult to see but also may cause irreversable damage to one’s sight it is advisable to wear sunglasses.
That, my friends, is the reason for this letter. When choosing a pair of sunglasses there are many options. A resurgency of a “newer” style, actually a throwback to the 80’s, are the colored Ray-Bans. These brightly-colored glasses are very popular and tough to miss. And I find it important to tell you this: If you are asking “Will these glasses make men flaccid?” the answer is most definitely “Yes.“ It looks like you’re trying too hard and failing. They’re not attractive, they’re not flattering, they’re mostly just a sign of self-concious hipster pandering. They will mostly keep us from noticing your good features and make us think “Man, I’ll bet she really likes Death Cab. No woman is good enough to make up for having to listen to Crooked Teeth again. I’m going to die alone, but all of a sudden I feel better about it.”
I find this information might become valuable when attempting to make yourself a presentable human being. Please feel free to comment on my ties.
Thanks,
Pants.
Those glasses are good for hangovers and also for being featured in that cool new ‘zine that’s nonchalantly placed around town.
